So I’m feeling kind of guilty right now. I just sent a “oh gosh something came up cant make it” text to Goldman Sachs guy. I feel bad because I’m sure hes a very nice guy and probably lonely in the city blah blah. But I am having so much anxiety about this that I fell off the wagon and bought Twizzlers for breakfast. Ok ok Twizzlers and a Kit Kat.

He wanted to take me to the W Hotel Underbar.

"Underbar"

Here is an excerpt from the description:

“As you enter the UNDERBAR at W New York – Union Square – the flickering candles in this sultry, dark, and seductive basement space catch your eye. See and be seen in the main room. Or hide away in a private alcove upholstered from floor to ceiling. Create your own little world. Each cozy niche space is equipped with privacy curtains and a rope pull to call for service.”

What.

I’m sorry. I met you on a subway car, spoke to you for all of 5 minutes, and you’re taking me there?

NOT that I wouldn’t want to go there. That place sounds amazing and so posh and I would die to go there.

But not with a random stranger who is 30.

Right?

Did I just make a huge mistake? Am I freaking out for no reason?

This is my problem. As I said yesterday, I have no interest in dating. I am 21. I have literally had anxiety about this since the minute I woke up this morning. I’m practically a baby. I just want to hang out with friends and watch movies and do stupid shit at bars. I want to play beer pong and ass hole and kings. I don’t go for after work drinks because I dont even have a real job. If this had been 3 years from now, I would have gone no question. It would be time for me to grow up. But as of now, I don’t really have to do that and I don’t really want to.

I think I would have just preferred a more causal setting for a first date/drinks. Not so much pressure. I’m sure he was just trying to be impressive/romantic, but that puts me in the position of feeling like I should put out, which I shouldn’t. Ergo, I’m not into it.

Shame. He could have bought me some really awesome clothes.

WHICH IS A TERRIBLE THING TO SAY.

And this is for Dan Casey:

Dear Dan Casey,

I’m not going to say you were right, but I’m going to say that no, money doesn’t buy everything. How’s that. You caught me.

PS. Feel better.

So thats that. I’m kind of bummed but so relieved at the same time. Although still curious as to what the Underbar actually looks like, but not curious enough to find out.

peace, love, and martinis,

natalie marie.

UPDATE: this is what he just texted me “No worries. A good dry run/dress rehearsal =) Wanna pick a day next week for the main performance?”

What. What the hell do I say to that. HELP.

UPDATE 2: On Sabra’s advice (and against my better judgment) I wrote “Underbar is so posh, what are you trying to seduce me?” In an attempt to possibly change the location so I didnt feel so out of place.

and he wrote, “=) just easier to talk and get to know each other there… but you’ll have to try your best to keep your hands off me =)

WHAT. THE. FUCK.

I’m just so thrown off I have no idea what to do or say.

Is he joking? Is he serious? No, Goldman Sachs, I don’t think it’s an easier place to get to know each other. It’s dark in there. It’s a basement.

Now if we had started off a conversation with some witty banter, this would come as no surprise. But the guy literally asked me what I was reading, and it was an article about what a dick Bill Clinton actually is. Now I’m not sure if hes being creepy or actually funny. I don’t know what to do at all.

Fuck my life. This is, once again, is why I hate dating. Too complicated for me thanks.